I love ya'll. I promise I do. Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, no one is out saying you shouldn't have STANDARDS. Nope. No one is. So this post isn't a cry for folks to let others do WHATEVER. What this post IS ABOUT reality. That's it. The things that are about to be discussed might by in your REALITY (yet) but I gotta tell that the folks whose reality it IS IN, didn't have it in theirs either.
First though, I want to talk about this word some of you LOVE TO THROW AROUND..
SETTLE
Oh you niggas throw this word around like it is the MAGICAL elixir to WHATEVER ails a relationship. As if by simply NOT DOING THAT, one will have a mate with NO SHORTCOMINGS whatsoever and all will be perfect in FantasyLand once again. (CHUCKLES) The funny thing about that is if ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY LIVED IT HOW YOU SPIT IT, you would be MUCH MUCH MUCH FARTHER IN YOUR LIVES ALL THE WAY AROUND. So it 'sounds good', when you say it but I kinda have a hard time believing you when I see you 'settling' yourself. Ya dig? Oh, I know you are settling too. Don't get if fucked up. I see what you 'claim you like' as opposed to what you have outchea. I not talking 'cream of the crop' goals either. I'm talking EVERY DAY ATTAINABLE GOALS that you have 'settled for less' in. Again, we all have 'standards' and a lot of you have stopped on the 'as long as he/she' can provide money OR good looks portion of the list and SAID FUCK THE 'GOOD COMMUNICATOR/BEST FRIEND/GOOD PERSON/SENSIBLE/ETC/ETC to the wayside. You choose ONE OR THE OTHER (good looking or money) and then you THINK YOU ARE GOOD. Then the REST OF THE SHIT SLOWLY BEGINS TO MATTER as the years (sometimes months) go on... This is the stage we are going to speak on today, for those of you who haven't gotten there yet. 'Cause neither of the two MAIN THINGS (good looks/money) are going to maintain (keep) a relationship good without some sort of outside stimulation.
Do I have your attention now? Good.
As I watch/listen/read some of ya'lls reactions to folks 'infidelities', relationship dramas, relationship issues, etc, etc, I can't help but chuckle at the SHEER naivete` some of you have when it comes to matters of the heart. I guess we all do it on some level but some of you boy.. Let me tell you. You act as if everything is 'disposable' and with one 'flip a button' you can just move on to the next thing. No Country for consideration of time, feelings, THE PERSON'S OWN FUCKUPS and the like. Nope. Ya'll get ya'lls paint brushes out QUICK when you hear about some shit on some 'Just do this...just do that..eliminate this..don't settle for that.." thinking the shit will just magically WORK OUT. Then...then.... and here is the shit that kills me, if you DON'T THINK IT WILL WORK OUT, your remedy is to....
"Just leave...."
Now you've heard me say this before..NOT EVERYONE IS OUT HERE ON THAT 'Joni Loves Cha Chi' man. (I have to think of a more up to date version of disposable teenage love...I can't at the moment though..sue me.) Some folks, whether they are there for A GOOD REASON OR NOT, are in some HEAVY SHIT. Got years in their shit. Got their 'best years' (according their peers and their own personal mentality..another post..another time..)* in it. Kids*.. Needs.. wants..etc...etc.. that are getting meant and won't be by anyone else. Present problem that you 'know about' withstanding. This is why I don't EVER just get dismissive about folks problems with these types of answers. It is NEVER just that simple. Don't you idiots think that the person involved in the shit HAS THOUGHT THAT? Clearly they CAN'T DO THAT. That is up to them get to the point that they can so offering that up as a solution is pretty pointless at most points***.
(Starts a slow golf clap for all of you have NEVER HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS IN ANY CAPACITY...) Congratulations, you are doing well. Don't ride to fast on your high horse though my nig and niggettes, 'cause almost to a man or women, all of those people you see in 'pain' or who are going through some shit were sitting pretty JUST LIKE YOU WERE. Their dismissive 'waves' to any 'issues' that may come up in a relationship have led to ADDITIONAL PAIN because they got BLINDSIDED. They thought that if they did XYZ then ABC would happen. I mean it makes sense right? Treat a person a certain way, you get good results and we all live HAPPILY EVER AFTER right? It is just that simple huh? Wrong.
Ya'll are out here forgetting we aren't ROBOTS THOUGH. Men nor women. Folks have bad days. Folks GO THROUGH SHIT. Folks aren't PERFECT when we get with 'em to begin with so where we are thinking they are going to 'evolve' they JUST MIGHT NOT EVER DO SO. Sometimes this happens at the SAME TIME for both folks involved in the relationship and the results are BAD.**** Shit HAPPENS. This is what the proverbial 'they' meant by that. You guys can all sit on the outside and 'peck away' with perfection if you like but unless you have been in the shit, you won't know. It is just lip service..
...which brings me to my next point. You just don't KNOW HOW FOLKS RUN THEIR SHIT. @ THEIR RELATIONSHIP. I see some of you commenting on how 'such and such' conducts themselves on the Internet' or at the party. It usually comes in my favorite form...
"If that were me I wouldn't be putting up with...XYZ..I'm better than that.."
Meanwhile, there is some nigga at home, putting up with you are and your Queen Diva attitude OR YOU ARE AT HOME PUTTING UP WITH A NIGGA DOING (Insert whatever you like here that you don't want us to know you put up with..Here's a hint...it is usually that one thing YOU ARE ALWAYS SPEAKING THE LOUDEST ABOUT...Try that...) Yeah man I hear ya'll outchea. Talking about what such and is 'getting away' with 'cause the other person doesn't know.. Here's a shocker...
Maybe...just maybe... that's how they run their shit. Maybe...JUST MAYBE NOW, they have mutually agreed that whatever that other person is out there seeking 'in the World' cannot be provided at home and it is OKAY for the person you are CRUCIFYING to do WHATEVER IT IS THAT THEY DO outchea. Ever think of that Joni? Cha Chi? You didn't ...did you and I know why. You are pompous enough to think that you KNOW EVERYTHING and that everyone has to think like you. lol
This just in... NO THE FUCK THEY DON'T HAVE TO THINK LIKE YOU...
You see, some people KNOW THEIR SHORTCOMINGS AND KNOW WHAT THEY CAN AND CANNOT PUT UP WITH. What you call 'settling' (again while you are over there 'settling' yourself in some capacity..) is actually taking in account the human factor of this shit. Yeah...yeah...yeah.."That's why I'm never getting married/getting together seriously with anyone..." I know niggas...I know.... Good for you. Don't complain about what cats are out doing though within it though. Benefits and shit. You don't like the cons of it and that is YOUR BUSINESS. Shit isn't sweet. Never HAS BEEN. @ those of you touting 'relationships' have changed. They haven't. You just got older and got exposed to more shit is all. Like I have said on here time and time again, THERE IS A REASON AUNTIE BETTY WON'T LET UNCLE LEROY OUTTA HER SIGHT/Uncle LeRoy gets to STILL GO TO THE STRIP CLUB/AUNT JOY GETS TO GO ON OUT OF TOWN GIRL TRIPS/WHATEVER LITTLE FUNKY SITUATION that your little young mind is too small to grasp. These things exist for a reason and it is usually for the sanctity of the relationship. Occasionally, it is because mofos ain't shit but the REALITY OF IT IS, it because mofos don't provide that part of the relationship and agreements have been hashed out.
So think about that, the next time you have a mofo in your DMs, after you found out they had somebody and you want to know 'why they are doing what they are doing" *****
Is this enough REAL TALK FOR YOU CATS OUT HERE? No sugarcoating. No FantasyLand. Just real gritty shit. I see all these wet behind the ears ass cats, quoting their little quotes about if you 'Treat someone like such and such then they will NEVER DO SUCH AND SUCH.." Fuck outta here with that shit. Sometimes, shit is rough and a motherfucker has to work on THEMSELVES. No amount of steak and blowjobs is going to fix that.. No amount of red bottoms and cards is gonna get that right. There is a reason why cats 'put up with certain shit' 'cause they KNOW THEY HAVE PUT THE FOLKS THEY ARE WITH THROUGH SOME REAL BULLSHIT that they didn't have anything to do with. So stop judging from afar outchea ya'll. For real.
You look bad doing it with the 'little bit of facts' that you know. I don't care if it is you know 'she knocked off one of his boys' or he 'beat her ass' honestly. Sometimes, motherfuckers do shit and shit comes back around. Notice the person it happens to doesn't SAY SHIT now do they? There's a reason and it isn't FOR EVERYONE TO KNOW. We can't never be satisfied with that outchea though. We are always looking for someone who is worse off than ourselves so we can look, point and laugh at 'em. How about you fix YOUR OWN SHIT. How about that?? (Drops the mic)
*I'll touch on it a bit now. Some of you think 19-25 are 'prime' years. Yeah..if you are a superstar with superstar money. Chances are, during that age, unless your peoples are rich or you are doing illegal shit, you don't have a pot to piss in nor window to throw it out of. So yeah, you got your little muscle game up or there isn't that much mileage on the pussy (so to speak) but you DON'T HAVE YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND THE VAST MAJORITY OF YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT. I don't care 'how rough you came up' or any of that. I know. I see the mistakes you are making out here. If you knew better, you'd do better. Proof is in the pudding folks. (Yes, some older people DEFINITELY STILL FUCK UP..THEY HAVEN'T LEARNED..)
**You are out here talking about 'improper Daddying and shit yet you want niggas who are Fathers to just 'leave'. Parenting from afar or jointly is cool and can be done. It is BEST DONE WITH EVERYONE IN THE HOME. It just is. If it worked out for you and yours....GREAT. Everyone isn't fit for it. See the SAME FOLKS YOU ARE OUT HERE DISSING FOR NOT BEING PARENTED PROPERLY FOR REFERENCE. Their parents were 'around' for the most part. Shit could have been better. Period.
*** Until they are TRULY READY TO LEAVE. Then you can help them by reiterating that. Helping them with that. Constructively. Not by going out and getting new dick or pussy to wave in their face either. I'm talking REAL HELP. You know, helping them with THEIR ISSUES THAT MIGHT HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO THE ISSUES THAT THEY ARE HAVING??
**** And then some person of the opposite sex might benefit. It is NOTHING THEY DID. Which is why I don't give males (or females) 'credit' for knocking off someone in their time of need. You lucked up. Congratulations. Low hanging fruit. You didn't do shit but 'be there' fam. lol Keep telling yourself you are a 'mack' or a 'bad bitch' though. You got used. It is what it is.
***** As you stand up there on your moral high horse, ready to mount his or have her mount yours....